Let s Make Darren Young Straight Again
WWE, 2016
It's non uncommon for WWE to utterly waste a wrestling fable, nor is it unusual for WWE to try and fail at political satire, but in 2022 the company managed to do both simultaneously.
One nighttime in May, WWE's announcers informed the viewers that Darren Young, formerly of the Prime number Time Players, had for the longest time been looking for a life coach. Young, humble equally he was, obviously didn't want to bother viewers by mentioning whatsoever of this in the preceding weeks.
Turns out, the person Darren Young was looking for was right in front of him the whole time:
Bob Backlund.
Duh.
They were spending so much fourth dimension together already, I'thousand sure.
Every bit a big fan of Bob Backlund'southward insane promos from 1994 and 1995, I should have relished in the onetime champion getting screen time, only it presently became apparent that he and Darren Young had no chemical science whatever.
And when I say, "presently", I hateful the very starting time time Backlund spoke. WWE could have edited this vignette any fashion they wanted to, but instead they aired a segment that made it clear that Backlund and Young had taped their promos at completely divide times.
Backlund ended the segment by repeating that he was going to "make Darren Immature great again", which some of you lot more astute readers might recognize as the motto of Donald Trump.
Was WWE intentionally courting controversy by running an angle that paralleled Trump's polarizing 2022 presidential entrada? If and then, they were doing a really bad job of it.
See, other than being political conservatives who ran for president and take never eaten marijuana, Donald Trump and Bob Backlund couldn't be more than polar opposites.
Tin yous imagine Bob Backlund hosting beauty pageants or publicly defending his penis size?
Tin can you imagine Donald Trump penny-pinching or using words similar "plebeians" or "convivial" in everyday conversation?
As a soft-spoken former collegiate wrestler, Backlund had much more in mutual with Trump's one-time acquaintance, Bobby Lindsay.
The weeks wore on, and the promos wore out, with only Darren Young's occasional change of shirt suggesting that these things weren't all filmed in 1 day.
As the mentor and protege developed their bond week after week by talking to each other via split-screen, the viewer just had to take their discussion for it that the two men had e'er even been in the aforementioned room together.
Supposedly, in an attempt to force Immature to walk everywhere, Bob Backlund stole his machine keys. This implied that Backlund rifled through Immature's bags at the studio that mean solar day, earlier the two men were fabricated to stand in a blood-red room and a blue room, respectively.
Some other week, Backlund insisted Young recite all the U.s. Presidents in order, like he used to make shorthand seekers do in 1995. This would exist fifty-fifty more hard today, as there have been so many more than presidents since then. Mr. Backlund then started listing off Washington, Adams, et al, at which point Darren exclaimed, "Daaaaaamn!" This, of course, earned him a scolding from Bob.
1 of the most important developments in the vignettes was the revelation that Mr. Backlund didn't like or sympathise smart phones, telling his protege non to rely on that so-called piece of car to tell time.
If any of what I just wrote makes it sound like Darren Young and Bob Backlund were ever in the same fourth dimension zone together, I apologize, as that's not how information technology came beyond on television at all.
Once WWE ran out of promos, it was time to re-debut Darren Immature. With Bob Backlund in his corner, Young "won" a battle majestic when his last two opponents eliminated each other.
This chip of dumb luck guaranteed Immature an Intercontinental championship friction match.
You lot would think Darren Young would start to emulate later on Bob Backlund, so to speak. Contain amateur wrestling into his moveset.
Gotch-elevator somebody.
Do those deep-knee lunges before his matches. Misuse large words (like emulate).
But aside from dressing like Mr. Backlund for Halloween…
…winning one match with a caput bridge…
…and adopting the crossface chickenwing as his finisher for one week, Darren Young was as nondescript equally Darren Immature ever was.
Have Young's gear, which read, "Block the Detest".
Could you lot ever see Bob Backlund using "hate" (or, heaven preclude, "H8") every bit a noun? No, he'd say, abomination.
Another missed opportunity? Merchandising. You know how many "Make Darren Young Great Once more" hats WWE could have sold? Probably none, but they could take at to the lowest degree given them away to fans to arrive look similar they were into Young's gimmick.
If Titan Towers could produce crate-loads of Backlund for President buttons in 1995 and give them abroad for free with every purchase of an Undertaker denim vest, surely they could have churned out a few g MDYGA caps to manus out on Raw.
WWE couldn't even exist bothered to imitate Trump'due south typography.
In that location, was that so difficult?
Given that Darren Immature had recently come up out equally gay, I should at least requite WWE credit for not giving him the slogan, "Brand Darren Young Straight Again".
But Fine art, you say, Darren Young was never directly.
And yes, you do take a betoken, but that however wouldn't accept made the slogan any more inaccurate than the 1 they really used.
Darren Immature's first and terminal big match came confronting IC champion The Miz at July'south Battleground pay-per-view.
The two wrestled a competitive match until a confusing finish that saw Maryse slap Backlund, then trip and blame it on Bob.
This exacerbated Backlund, who attempted to tear off his shirt…
…leading Miz to push the crazy old human being over.
Darren Young and so made the salve by slapping on Bob Backlund's patented submission move, the… cobra clutch? The referee rang the bell to disqualify both The Miz (for chirapsia up a senior citizen) and Darren Immature (for applying the wrong agree).
Young and so stared at his hands like Bob Backlund once did, as if to say, "What just happened?" In this example, the audience was in the same boat.
Young immediately dropped from the IC title picture show to feud with his former partner Titus O'Neil, who poked a giant hole in Young's new "Brand Darren Young Great Again" gimmick by pointing out that he had never been great to begin with. The rivalry got personal when Titus threatened to knock Backlund's "onetime ass out" and afterward put the boots to Young's 67-twelvemonth-old mentor.
It was the kind of heated feud that could merely be resolved through a series of gyre-up victories, with Immature coming out on acme 2 out of 3 times.
These fluke victories failed to boon Young's career, as he dropped further downwardly the carte du jour to the pre-taped C-shows like Main Outcome and Superstars. At that place, Backlund would back-trail Young to a never-catastrophe series of matches with Jinder Mahal. If you lot had told me that inside a year, one of those men would hold the WWE title, I would have said, "Bob Backlund's a little former to exist champion, isn't he?"
Young and Backlund would likewise serve as background dorks for Enzo Amore to riff on in "sensitivity training".
Darren Young's concluding feud in WWE would exist with the Shining Stars, who tried to scam Mr. Backlund into renting a time-share.
That night, Young would make his triumphant return to Mon Night Raw against the Shining Stars in a throwaway match on a throwaway vacation episode. After 45 intense seconds of action, Braun Strowman came to the ring to destroy everyone in sight…
…including Young'southward tag squad partner and swain sensity training graduate, Bo Dallas…
…who for some reason was the 1 who got the Trump-style signs.
A few weeks later, Young and Sin Cara would try in vain to exact revenge on The Shining Stars for implying Bob Backlund was a retiree. Immature got injured during the match and never wrestled in WWE again.
It'due south too bad Young got injured when he did – the new President could have gotten him another IC championship shot.
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Source: http://wrestlecrap.com/inductions/mdyga/
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